Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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