Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
