I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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