Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
