Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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