Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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