Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
