She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
