Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
