My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
