he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
