why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
