He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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