I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
