we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
