may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
