If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's shark week go big or go home
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize