Yo dont text me then not text me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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