My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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