Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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