Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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