hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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