I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
please don't ironically join a cult
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