New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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