I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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