he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
