Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
