just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
