You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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