wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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