Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
