When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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