question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
