and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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