Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
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