dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
