Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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