just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
