did you get engaged???
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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