can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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