omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
