no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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