My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
