someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
