hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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