You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
