just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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