go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
