it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
