Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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