i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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