I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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