sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
