just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
