There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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