he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
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