I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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