the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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