I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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