If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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