Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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