Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
