My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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