my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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