I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
