I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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