hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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